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A time to mourn, a time to dance

And maybe a little splashing as well.

night-time memories

Darkness in the night.

The moon is squinting beyond the trees. . . .

Thump, thump, thump, swish.
Thump, thump, thump, swish.
Burst of light. I open my eyes gingerly.
“MEEilk!!”

“Jeffrey, You can pour your own milk. Mommy and Daddy need to sleep.”
Silence.
“Please turn out the light.”
Darkness again except for the glow of the bathroom light.

Thump, thump, thump, swish.
Thump, thump, thump, thump, swish.
Thump, thump, thump, swish.
Refrigerator door opens.
Pouring.
I listen. No spills tonight.
We do not have to wipe, wipe, wipe.

Thump, thump, thump, swish.
Thump, thump, thump, swish.
Thump, thump, thump, swish.
Thump, thump.
He pauses outside our door.
“Thank you. Good job. I love you, Jeffrey.”

Thump, thump, thump, thump, smoosh.
Jeffrey has landed on his bed.

Music:
“We all sing with the same voice,
The same, song,
The same, voice.
We all sing with the same voice,
And we sing in HAAAR - MON - NYY”

Classic Sesame Street.
All can be well in the world.

Tonight I woke at 3:30AM
There were no thumping footsteps or swish of the royal blanket on Jeffrey’s shoulders as it dusted the floor.
Tonight was silent.
I got up to write this.
The HAAAR - MON - NYY is merely an echo in my heart.

July 25, 2024

  • The Sound of Water

    My very old friends, students, and colleagues from the Virginia Ballet Days in the 1980’s have sent me a commemorative card and unexpected gift to celebrate Jeffrey in any way I wish. And so I walked by a little fountain display while buying mulch and topsoil and fell in love with it for its art nouveau look and its references to Jeffrey’s love of falling water.

    It splashes merrily on my deck now. Along with the wind chime in his memory sent by David’s colleague at the university, the deck is beginning to be my memory place. People often equate departed souls with the appearance of cardinals. Ours have been in residence all summer, regulars at the feeders and in the pines. But what has returned suddenly is our gold finches. Strutting their summer flash, they are gorgeous in the trees, the bird bath, the feeders. Hopefully they will like the fountain as well. It is quite gentle. As was Jeffrey. He was the most gentle of souls. It was only when panic took over that his surprising strength was apparent. And afterwards, his remorse took days to get over.



    I will talk about Jeffrey’s love of water. I think it was at first the play of light and sound. He was fascinated by light on moving water. When we camped at age one, he could watch the little stream close to our camp site in the sunlight with avid contentment, and sometimes a lot of jumping up and down. David helped him learn to toss stones. Kersplosh! Giggles. Kersplosh! More giggles and jumping. Kersplosh! Getting closer and closer to the edge. OOPs, Daddy swept him up with a strong swing and safe arms. And so the SOUND of water became magical as well.

  • Magical water in a new home.

    When we moved to Indiana when Jeffrey was two, we soon discovered the small creek in the ravine behind the house. This little creek changes to a muddy mess or completely dries up in dry weather. The big creek was something we visited together. That summer though, both were lush and inviting. Of course we did Pooh Sticks from here to there, and eventually David built a little wooden bridge over it where we could really play Pooh sticks.
    Jeffrey loved the creek. That fall, he discovered how to open locks on doors and sneak out of the house. As I was completely sleep deprived and sometimes fell asleep on the bed when he was supposed to be napping, he was a master of getting up quietly, and leaving the house. I would wake in utter panic, go running around to find him, then down the deck steps to the woods only to find him coming back with no socks and only one shoe. We sacrificed a great many shoes to the creek that were never found. I suppose the socks ended as stuffing in squirrel homes.
    I began to put high cross bolt locks on the doors, but one day in Montessori I discovered that they had a “Lock” work, with all sorts of different bolts and configurations, and my safety measures needed merely a chair and a good examination to be set aside for the lure of the woods.



  • Fears to Glee

    Jeffrey had a fear of toilet plumbing noise (especially in commercial bathrooms) which really played havoc with the typical potty training time, but he managed to discover that clear toilet water was quite beautiful when reflecting the sparkle of Mommy’s rhinestone earring, or a commemorative gold coin. I would hear a “splosh.” Then there would be a silence and a flush and finally a giggle giggle giggle and a re-appearance of Jeffrey with a big grin on his face before I could even round the corner from the kitchen.

    Needless to say that this created nasty plumbing issues, especially since we were on a septic system. I got more attuned and faster, and did manage to rescue the aforementioned commemorative gold coin. However, the giraffe was my undoing.

    Jeffrey had a Noah’s Ark Play School set that was quite adorable. There were actually not pairs of animals, but it was a wonderful way to name exotic animals and their sounds and who doesn’t love to create little scenarios with pre-school toys and a bright eyed little boy.
    My mother was with us for a rare visit and I was talking to her in the guest room. Jeffrey came troop-troop-trooping in with mischief in his eyes, and a big grin and showed us the giraffe. A minute later I heard the toilet flush. And back came Jeffrey with an even bigger grin and giggle.
    Oh, no!

    I ran into the bathroom but there was no trace of the giraffe. The toilet continued to flush normally. Well, only for about a day.
    “Honey, there is a giraffe in the toilet.”
    What a romantic homecoming line for the wearied academic after a grueling faculty meeting and teaching day.

    And so David dissembled the toilet. We looked down the stack. We looked up the toilet. No giraffe. The other toilet functioned fine. No giraffe. There was no giraffe.

    Life continued and guess what? That toilet backed up again. This was before Google, before Siri, before YouTube fix-it videos. I had my handy Readers Digest Home Repair Guide, well thumbed through.

    Toilets: I looked at all the configuration of toilets. Some had a big S at the top of the evacuation. Some had a small s at the top and another at the bottom. I took my coat hanger and rubber gloves (useless in fact since I was in the water past my elbows) and fished for a giraffe. Nothing. I looked at the diagrams again. I lengthened my wire and hook. I fished some more. About an hour later I added another small curve to my fishing coat hanger. I fished and fumbled. Finally a catch. I knew it was there. A giraffe!!.

    It took another draining and dissembling of the toilet by both of us to find the giraffe, but this time I knew where he was hiding. He never rejoined his friends. I hid him somewhere in memory of a fine safari and gigging little boy.

Creek Pals



with Heidi Deeters, his best Creek Pal